A few years ago my family experienced sudden and tragic human loss around this same time of year. As time goes by the immediacy of your despair can dull and happier memories tend to become more potent, but even with the passage of time loss will stick with you. Still, I'm comforted to know that there IS a certain measure of relief that can set in, though pain might never truly be erased.
Throughout this drama I think I've neglected to mention Sophie, the smaller of my pair of dogs. (Yeah, yeah, i'm sure you're all craving to hear about my pets) Sophie was the sidekick, the miniature schnauzer who couldn't help but be overshadowed by a big, lovable chocolate labrador retriever. She and Ginger were pups in our house together, and grew up in a state of companionship and mutual one-upsmanship.
Now that Ginger's gone, the usually unsinkable Sophie reminds me of a little kid who arrived at the playground when all the other kids have gone home for dinner. She keeps looking for someone she's not going to find, and has the sad listlessness of a person who simultaneously knows the truth of the situation but expects it to change at any moment.
The situation is, to me, a reminder that some things really are irreplaceable, but at the same time, myself and my remaining dog are still around and I sure as hell am not going to turn my back on her. Life is for the alive, after all, right?
Anyway, thank you very much again for the sea of reading material in the form of comments, it made a tough situation a little easier.
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A couple times in my journal I've mentioned my dog Ginger and her struggles with health issues.
One thing about pets that I thought of today: they're a lot like dreams. They mean a lot to you, personally, but other people's care or understanding of them only goes so deep. It varies from person to person but, for the most part, your pet is dearest to you only. And when it comes to loss it can feel trivial in a larger sense, but to yourself it can feel unbearable.
I buried Ginger today. I'd been ready for it, or thought i was, for several months of ups and downs and miracle comebacks from cancer and strokes. I had thought that so many close calls would have given me a bit of tolerance for when the day finally came that she wouldn't be with me anymore. I was really, really wrong about that.
I'd decided a long time ago that I'd be with her until the very end, and if that end meant going to the vet's office and ending her pain, so be it. But when the last of her life went out of her and it was well and truly over, I fell apart completely. All the stuff I thought I'd come to grips with, or the pain I tried to preempt in the preceding weeks...the door closed, and I realized I'd never see her face again except in pictures, that she'd never bug me for anything anymore, that i wouldn't have to worry over her anymore or give her a hug...after all was said and done and my dog was dead, there was nothing left to do and every part of me went to pieces.
There's nothing you can say about the dead, animal or human, or the loss of their company that hasn't been said a million times over before. On a beautiful November day i lost my best friend, and there aren't any words that can dull the reality of how much i miss her.
I swear i'll be more comicky in the near future, i just need to grieve a bit.








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Sin after sin I have endured; but the scars I bare, are the wounds of love.
[link]
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Typically, people do dumb crap all the time, and they always seem astonished that it turns out to be dangerous. Seriously. Look at YouTube.
and hey...i'm a Packer fan staring into the abyss.
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I'm a cautionary tale, not a role model.
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"Paint a new and beautiful world " ^3^
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The cockney cock puncher! He punches one way, he punches the other, he punches diagonal! He's like Connect Four in cock punching terms! -- The Mighty Boosh
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hand me a match
this is a story about fire
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